


The darkness that surrounds Sirius Black

by Lady_Nathair



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Book 5: Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix, Dark Harry Potter, Established Sirius Black/Remus Lupin, First time writing a fanfiction, Implied/Referenced Suicide attempt, M/M, Minor Sirius Black/Remus Lupin, Past Child Abuse, Past Sexual Abuse, Past Sirius Black/Remus Lupin, Please don't judge me, Rape/Non-con Elements, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, Sirius is terrified, bad things happen, lots of triggers, offensive slurs, this came to me in a dream
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-11
Updated: 2017-10-11
Packaged: 2019-01-16 04:27:29
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,735
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12335478
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lady_Nathair/pseuds/Lady_Nathair
Summary: This is very dark and has many triggers. Please don't read if you are triggered by rape or self harm. Also this is my first Fanfiction and I know it can be better. Please be nice to me about correcting me if you must. I know Harry wouldn't really act like this nor Sirius but that how I wrote it. There may be a sequel if I find the time that goes more into Sirius/Remus relationship. For the reactions to the rape that Sirius has I am going off of some personal experience I know it isn't true for everyone. Also I don't know exactly what to tag. If you find something that I should add please tell me, nicely.Thanks and Enjoy!





	The darkness that surrounds Sirius Black

**Author's Note:**

> This is very dark and has many triggers. Please don't read if you are triggered by rape or self harm. Also this is my first Fanfiction and I know it can be better. Please be nice to me about correcting me if you must. I know Harry wouldn't really act like this nor Sirius but that how I wrote it. There may be a sequel if I find the time that goes more into Sirius/Remus relationship. For the reactions to the rape that Sirius has I am going off of some personal experience I know it isn't true for everyone. Also I don't know exactly what to tag. If you find something that I should add please tell me, nicely.  
> Thanks and Enjoy!

It was a few days before the new school year started for Harry and he and Sirius were alone at Grimuald Place after dinner one evening. With all the hustle and bustle of the members of the order coming and going, it was nice to just have a quiet night lounging on the couch reading. Sirius was having a hard time concentrating on the paper however, with the way Harry had been acting lately being the reason. He had originally thought that his actions as of late had to do with the order, but now he wasn’t so sure. Harry had been staring at him a LOT lately with a look that no one should have towards their godfather. It was a lustful, possessive stare that made Sirius so uncomfortable he often had to make excuses to leave the room.  
Tonight, Harry has the same look on his face. Just as he is about to say something about being really tired, Harry suddenly sits up and asks “Do you ever want something you know you can‘t have, Sirius?” Sirius swallows roughly and glances at Harry from the corner of his eye, not sure what he should say. Harry goes on as if he doesn’t notice Sirius’s stiffness in posture. “Ever wonder how good we would be together? I do. Allll the time.” Harry grins mischievously up at Sirius. “Th…that isn’t right Harry. I’m your godfather!” Sirius replies nervously. He starts to stand to move farther from Harry but Harry quickly whips his wand out and mutters something. Sirius finds himself bound to the couch, unable to move his arms or legs. He starts to question Harry but he is hit with a silencing charm before he can. Sirius is terrified.  
“I’ve wanted you for weeks but all these people that keep coming and going were holding me back.” Harry tells him standing up and beginning to pace in front of him. “Now that we are alone, I can’t contain myself any longer.” He unzips his pants and releases an already hard prick out of his pants.  
Harry moves closer spreading Sirius’s knees and stepping between them. Sirius clamps his mouth shut and tries to lean back as far as he can as Harry presses his dick against his lips. “Open up.” Harry demands in such a tone that Sirius dare not deny. He reluctantly opens his mouth just slightly and Harry instantly grabs his hair and pulls his head back hard. When Sirius open’s his mouth wider in a silent yelp of pain, Harry shoves himself into his mouth.  
He begins trusting into his mouth with so much force that Sirius is gagging and choking around him. Tears are streaming down his face but there is an empty almost hollow look in his eyes. As if Sirius is no longer inside his body.  
After Harry spends himself down Sirius’s throat, he steps back as if to admire his work. He lightens his grip on Sirius’s hair and gently strokes it. He wipes away some cum filled drool that Sirius couldn’t swallow off his chin and sighs. Harry plops down heavily next to him and releases the bonds and silencing charm. Sirius is too afraid to move without permission so he stays as still as possible until Harry falls asleep next to him on the couch.  
As soon as he is sure he’s asleep, Sirius sprints up the stairs to him room and quickly shuts and locks the door. Sliding to the floor, Sirius brings his knees up to his chest and tries desperately to forget about what just happened. It only serves to remind him of his past.  
***********************************************************************  
Sirius is 14 years old and is being yelled at by his father and Mother in the kitchen at Grimauld Place for sending and receiving owls in the middle of the night. His mother askes who he is talking to so late and what he is hiding from them, but Sirius refuses to say.  
“Fine then, boy!” his Father booms, “I will find the truth out in other ways.”  
Orion Black, a master in legilimens and occlumency, looks Sirius in his eyes and into his thoughts. There he finds not only who he is sending the owls to (Remus Lupin), but the contents of these letters. Sirius is in love with Remus Lupin.  
At this discovery Orion becomes furious and hits Sirius across the face, knocking Sirius off his chair. His father spits on his and screams “Get out of my sight!”  
Sirius scrambles to oblige, holding his swelling, bleeding nose. He runs to his room and throws himself onto his bed.  
An hour or so later his father stumbles loudly through his door clearly the worse for drink. “You disgusting faggot.” He nearly whispers in the most hateful tone Sirius has ever heard come from his father and he has heard a similar tone from him countless times. Sirius knew he was in deep trouble.  
“No Black is going to be a shirt lifter. I guess I’ll just have to show you what these faggots do and scare you straight.”  
Young Sirius is terrified. Not sure of what to do, but he isn’t given much of a choice when he is pinned down on his bed while his father forcefully fucked his face. After his father is finished, he hits Sirius hard in and leaves the room.  
Sirius curls into a ball and cries for god only knows how long until he hears a soft knock and his brother’s cautious voice asking if he was alright. When Sirius didn’t answer Regulus comes in anyway and holds him close until they are both asleep.  
The next few weeks didn’t improve with Sirius’s father; quite the opposite in fact. Every night he was visited and violated by his drunken father. Only after the first week did Orion Black take the next step and “show him what the gays did to each other.”  
Orion shoved Sirius down onto the bed, his face smushed against the mattress nearly suffocating him, while he plowed Sirius’s virgin, unprepared ass. This was when everything changed. After Sirius’s father finished he turned Sirius over for his usual beating but Sirius’s body had betrayed him in the worst way and reacted to the stimuli unconsciously. His father notices his son’s partial erection and punches his square in the mouth so hard he cut his hand on Sirius’s tooth. “YOU SICK FUCK!!” Orion roars at him as he continues to give Sirius the worst beating of his life. He leaves Sirius blooded and whimpering. Later that night, as all other nights, Regulus comes in to comfort his injured brother.  
That was the last night of the rape but his punishment did not stop. Not one of his family members was allowed to speak to or even look at Sirius and it appeared that no one wanted to. Soon he was locked in his room until he returned to Hogwarts in September.  
*********************************************  
During and after that time, Sirius never slept on his bed at home. It gave him too many flashbacks. He always slept on the floor. It was only after Orion died and Sirius moved back into Grimuald Place with the order was he able to sleep in it again.  
Tonight however, he finds he cannot make it to his bed out of fear of his memories and silently wishes that Regulus would come in and hold him until he slept. He knew however, that there was no one to comfort him now.  
\-------  
Sirius woke up the next morning and was reminded instantly of the previous night. He was unsure of how to act. How would Harry act? Would he be violent? Ignore him? Would he want to talk about it? He didn’t know which would be worse.  
He decided not to take the risk and stayed in his room all day. Hunger and thirst ignored for fear of what might come if he went downstairs. He heard familiar voices down there, people from the order coming and going but he stayed unbothered up in his room.  
He finally ventured out well past midnight when he was sure Harry was asleep. He made it to the Kitchen as fast as he could and grabbed a glass of water, slamming it down. He was just about to grab some bread when he found that he had been wrong. Harry was sitting on a chair, reading. It appeared that he had been waiting for him. “Hello Sirius,” Harry greets much cheerier than Sirius feels is appropriate. “I missed you today. Would you like something to eat?” Sirius shakes his head no even though his body says otherwise. “Okay then,” Harry says not losing an ounce of his apparent cheerful mood. “Maybe you’d like to join me for a little fun then?” Harry asks but Sirius knows it was not a question. How a boy less than half his age can scare him so deeply is unknown to him. Sirius musters up the courage to speak. “Please Harry, no, this isn’t right.” He pleads barely above a whisper. Harry is over to Sirius in two seconds pushing him onto the ground.  
“Oh Sirius, who cares about what it right? I want you and you should be grateful for that because I look so much like your beloved James.” Harry casts a spell that holds him on his hands and knees.  
He can hear harry unzipping his trousers. Then he feels him lift up Sirius’s robes and yank down his pants.  
“My, my, what a pretty little arse you have Sirius.” Harry says inching himself closer to his entrance. “Please,” Sirius croaks out “don’t.”  
“Lucky for you,” Harry continues, ignoring Sirius as he slicks himself up “I brought some lube. Otherwise I’m afraid you wouldn’t enjoy yourself as much.”  
Then he feels the intense stretch and burn of Harry’s hard cock pressing into his unprepared hole. Sirius cries out in pain but he only hears Harry moan in response as he pushes in farther. Harry thrusts into him repeatedly, gaining in force and speed as Sirius sobs in agony and disgust with himself. He feels his body betray him yet again, his cock slowly filling out as Harry brushes against his prostate.  
When Harry sees this he reaches around for Sirius’s prick and begins to stroke. “Stop! Please just stop!” Sirius screams through sobs. Harry doesn’t listen and continues to pump Sirius’s dick while increasing the speed of his thrusts. Harry bring Sirius to the most shameful orgasm of his life which is followed shortly afterward with Harry crying out as he comes deep inside of him.  
Once Harry catches his breath he gets up and cleans himself with a quick spell and releases Sirius. This time Sirius wastes no time in getting away. He sprints up the stairs and locks himself in his room. He spends another night crying on the floor.  
The next week Sirius scarcely comes out of his room to sneak bread and water and he only does this when he is positive no one else is there. When it comes time for Harry to go back to school, Harry insists that Sirius come down to see him off.  
He comes down just as Remus and Madeye arrive to take Harry to the station. Harry is carrying his trunk over to Moody when Remus makes eye contact with Sirius. An instant look of panic and worry arises on Remus’s face when he sees him. Thin, dirty, dark circles under his eyes and what appear to be blood stains on his shirt sleeves. Remus turns to Harry and Madeye and says, as normally as he can, that he will be staying here instead and that Madeye can handle taking Harry. Mayeye sees the panic in Remus’s eyes and doesn’t question as he starts to take Harry outside. Harry turns around to say good bye to Sirius but Remus steps in the way and shuts the door on him and Madeye.  
Remus immediately runs over to Sirius and starts to look him over. Sirius breaks and Remus lifts his sleeves to reveal fresh cuts covering his wrists. Remus brings Sirius into a hug and holds him while he cries. Once he calms down a bit, Sirius allows Remus to heal his cuts and eats a piece of toast.  
Remus sits across from him at the kitchen table as worried as ever and curious to know what happened to leave his best friend and love of his life in such a state.  
**********************************************************  
Remus remembers his 5th year trip to Hogwarts. He was excitedly waiting for his friends to arrive, Sirius in particular as he had not heard from him in a few weeks. When he finally spotted him on the crowded platform, he started hurrying towards him. But as he got nearer, he saw just how sad Sirius looked, so empty inside. As he approached him Remus noticed all sorts of cuts and healing bruises that were covering his friend’s body. He looks, Remus thought, almost as bad as he does after a bad full moon, but the scariest part to him was that the cuts of Sirius’s arms appeared to be self-inflicted.  
Remus quickly pulled him onto the train and into the nearest empty compartment. Once inside he slammed the door and locked it. His suspicions and worry must have been obvious because when Remus turned to face Sirius, Sirius broke down. He started crying and Remus just rushed to hold and comfort him.  
Sirius spilled about what he had been through the last few weeks and how every time he sees his reflection he absolutely despises himself and his father. He told Remus how he felt so dirty inside and that the only way he could possibly be clean was to bleed it out. Remus hugged him tightly and cried softly along with him for what felt like a long time. They finally decided that they needed to find their other friends before they started to worry.  
**********************************************************************  
In the kitchen in Grimuald Place, Remus tries to prompt Sirius into telling him what is wrong. “Sirius, my love, what is happening? You know you can tell me anything.”  
“No Moony, I don’t know if I can. It’s just too bad.” Sirius replies without looking up from his toast.  
Remus gets up and comes over to kneel down in front of Sirius’s chair and takes his hand. “Whatever it is I won’t judge you or think any less of you whatsoever. I only want to help. I love you Sirius Black and nothing can change that.”  
Sirius leans down to meet Remus for a brief, soft, tearful kiss and rests his forehead against the other man’s. He sits up and takes several deep shaky breaths and fresh tears start to build in his eyes. “ I…I was… H-harry raped me.” Sirius sobs his voice thick with self-loathing and disgust. “ I didn’t know what to do. I couldn’t fight him off, I tried but I couldn’t. A-and it reminded me so much of….of before and I just couldn’t look at myself and I couldn’t leave my room. I was too scared. I was scared of a fucking 15 year old, Remus! I, a full grown wizard, should not be afraid of a little boy, shouldn’t have allowed him to do that to me, but I’m such a fucking coward!” Sirius is nearly screaming his sob filled words. Remus Just stands up and pulls Sirius towards him into a hug, rubbing his back soothingly. “I was planning on doing it today Moony, killing myself. After Harry left I was going to say goodbye to you and go up and do it. I have it all ready.” Sirius says softly into Remus’s stomach. Remus lets several tears roll down his own face. He clears his throat slightly to steady his voice “We can get through this Padfoot. We have before and can figure it out now too.” Sirius looks up at him and Remus brushes Sirius’s dirty black hair from his face and looks him in the eyes. “I am going to take you out of here for a while. We will go and stay at my place and once you are ok we will work out what to do next.” Sirius just buried his face in Remus’s robes and hugged him back tightly as he continues to cry softly.


End file.
